Quarter Life Crises

First published on Facebook: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 at 11:26pm

I've made both of my sisters cry on their birthdays. Kristin I made cry on her sixteenth, although that was the last year I put a lot of thought into it. Born on April Fool's Day, she did not appreciate people always making a fool of her, and I had made her a treasure hunt of clues to find her present. In the end, it was a beautiful gift - a hand-sculpted red Mustang that I had been working on for at least a month. That didn't matter though, she was just so fed up with her day being the same as April Fool's Day and being called a fool on her birthday.

For Amy, it was her 20th and I sent her a card about being too old to party with us anymore. She told me over the phone how much it had hurt, and explained that she was going through a "quarter life crisis."
That was the first time I ever heard that phrase, but since that summer I've used it a lot. I've never fully had one though. I mentioned the term recently to a friend and then had to explain exactly what it meant. She thought it was absurd, but I think many ppl of our generation go through it these days, so I'll describe what I think it is.

The "quarter life crisis" is sort of like the 20-somethings of the 80s and 90s. Generally, you experience it when you are either in your early 20s or finishing a degree/diploma/postsecondary equivalent or both. It's usually the moment when you realize you have to grow up and become this person that you always wanted to be when you were a little kid. Often it turns your life completely and you realize that what you thought you wanted when you were younger is not really what you want now, or else you realize that sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you want it, no matter how hard we wish for it. There are often nights of tears and endless self-doubt. You tell your parents a new plan for your life every week for six months, until they hang up the phone one night when your sister is there, wonder aloud how long this new craze will last and then pray you'll get over it soon...and now I know I am using examples from my life. Perhaps I have had one...perhaps that is what this is!

But I know that I'm not really having one. Well, I don't think I am. Or at least it's been happening for so long that I just don't cry anymore. I think this whole questioning thing began in First Year, and it definitely was influenced by what Amy was going through at the time. And that's the thing about my life. With two older sisters (and apparently because there were no cousins my age), I tended to do things earlier. Like getting drunk at 11 with Kristin's friends (I still remember Elaine, Cara and Travis teaching me how to shoot the quarter just right ... and failing every time!). Or doing Grade 3 spelling lists when I was in Grade 1 'cause Amy wanted to play teacher on the weekend. It also meant that I cared more for books than people throughout elementary school...and then was tired of parties by high school 'cause the kids my age were so lame (and didn't really think it was as cool to get their peer drunk as those friends thought it was to get the little sister drunk...I did love our party basement when Amy and Kristin were at home.) I've always been aware of which "stage" I am supposed to be entering about four to two years before it happens. And, therefore, I generally go through it earlier than expected and have a better understanding of it by the time things really set in. Or at least I hope that's what is happening here.

I began contemplating what it is I want to do with my life exactly in First Year. I didn't act on it, though, and those regrets quickly faded. Instead, I carried on with the path I had begun, daydreaming about the alternatives throughout. In Second Year, even, I watched With Honours for the first time, and that film changed my life - at least as far as school was concerned. So, it makes sense that returning to school is the furthest thing on my mind, even a year after it's all done. Thinking about the alternatives throughout the whole Honours programme, though, definitely prevented me from getting trapped in all of the fuss over grad school in the final year. I knew that I needed at least a year off. And then, when things got bumpy that last fall, I saw somebody and they recommended planning an adventure. And here I am, just finishing up that adventure. It was something that I have always wanted to do - travel - and it has become something that I want to do for the rest of my life.

What I've been fighting with lately, though, is this nagging from my subconscious to give up the vagabondness and settle into a career when this adventure ends. I realize that that is society, though, and not me telling myself that I should do that. I have this idea of the person I will be in five, or maybe even ten years, and she is not "settled" into a career. Well, she's a writer and she has her own apartment, but she's not staring at her future and seeing forty more years of the same thing. So, maybe that picture is the reason I don't think this is a quarter life crisis. I change my mind at least once every three weeks about my "backup" profession (so I can keep writing as a passion, not a necessity), but I'm still ok with that. Maybe I will still be alright with that in five years, maybe even ten. It scares me to not know my future, but it's also good. It means that when things don't work out, I'm not too fussed - I just have to make other plans.

I feel bad for making my sisters cry on their birthdays. I cried on my sweet sixteen and it was the worst thing in the world at the time. But it also convinced me to always treat other people more special on their birthdays. It's a day about you and you should be celebrated. Coincidentally, today is the birthday of two people I used to live with - so happy birthday Jenn and Kassie! Even if your day is horrible, learn from it. It should be a happy day, but tears are good for you too. They put the pain into perspective. That's why tears are wet - so they can clean up the cuts into your soul and make you heal faster, so you can be stronger in the future. And of all the quarter life crises I've heard of, I think they all turned out for the better. Sometimes you need that kick in the pants to find your soul and get it dusty so it's ready to be cleaned by your mid-life crisis tears.