Too Small/Too Smart?

First published on Facebook on Wednesday, May 28, 2008 at 4:16pm

There is a song on my MP3 player that I am currently loving. It's called Behind the Sea by Panic! at the Disco, off of their latest cd. It's a beautiful light song, and it always makes me think about life, which only adds to it's beauty. One of its best lines, in my opinion, is one that repeats throughout. That line is not without its irritation, though, as i'm not quite sure how the line goes. i know the words are in the cd case, but I don't have that right now...and I kinda like the ambiguity about the line. I think it even changes in the refrain: '...and we're all too small to talk to God. Yes we're all too smart to talk to God.'

I like both versions. The latter is important to me, because I consider myself a philosopher, and the thought of not believing in something higher than yourself because you are too 'smart' to do so is ironic. I remember discussing this with Jenn - dragging her into the philosophical discussions she hated so much that rather than fighting me through them would merely give in to what I was saying with a mere 'yes dear' as soon as I began to rant (and that is why she was the best roommate in the world!) - and how as Einstein went further into his exploration of the world he explained that nobody could look at the world and everything that we do not understand and not conclude that there was some higher being in control of it all. ( He said it better, but of course, I am terrible at quotes!) And eventually this helped me move from atheism to agnosticism. It took some ego-swallowing, but eventually I got there. And I have been happier since. I like being undecided on the issue: it helps me discuss the world inconclusively, which I miss doing. I am also okay without ever finding the answer. Life is about the journey rather than the destination, right? and that is also why my plans for the future constantly change - life is about the journey, not the destination, so it's okay to not know where u will end up...just as long as throughout your journey u live your life as u want to remember it rather than regret it.

I enjoy the first part of that line as well. Are we really too small to talk to God? Maybe. People who pray, and believe that their prayers work must in some way believe that they can. But, then, of course, I shouldn't speak for them. Perhaps they believe, like me, that belief in yourself and your prayers is what brings you the answers to your prayers rather than the listening ear of God, or whatever you want to call the higher power. So, turning the line on its head - interpretting it in another way - are we too small to make a difference? Is the belief that we are too small to talk to God make us too smart to talk to him as well? In turn, does this then make us arrogant? If we are arrogant, should we not believe more in ourself? Or does arrogance then negate the necessity of belief?

All these questions have no answers. They are all merely thoughts that my song makes me ponder. I love that. I miss that. I miss the discussion. i love intellectual conversations. I can't wait to live in a city again